Marriage | 婚姻

The Truth of Marriage, 关于婚姻的真相

1. 阿兰·德波顿（Alain de Botton，瑞士-英国哲学家）

“最适合我们的人，并非那个与我们所有品味都完全契合的人，而是那个能够带着智慧与优雅，去与我们协商品味差异的人。我们不应仅仅为了‘爱’而结婚——如果爱被定义为一种稍纵即逝的感觉——而应为了那份‘当爱不在场时，依然能够处理生活’的能力而结合。

在今天，结婚的勇气在于接受你和伴侣都是‘不完美的’且‘难以相处’的。这段关系是一份共同奋斗的承诺，而非一个通往极乐世界的终点站。这是一种勇敢的行为：在日益碎片化和冷漠的世界中，选择一个人作为你生命的主要见证者。”

"The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste, but the person who can negotiate differences in taste with intelligence and grace. We should not marry for 'love' alone—if love is defined as a fleeting feeling—but for the capacity to handle the inevitable moments when love feels absent.


The courage to marry today lies in accepting that both you and your partner are 'imperfect' and 'difficult,' and that the bond is a commitment to a shared struggle rather than a guaranteed destination of bliss. It is the brave act of choosing one person to be your primary witness in a world that is increasingly fragmented and indifferent."

2. 阿尔弗雷德·阿德勒（Alfred Adler，奥地利著名的精神病学家、心理学家）

“婚姻不应被视为解决生计或逃避现实的手段。一个女性若要在人性上获得完整的独立，必须首先通过职业工作在社会中确立自己的位置。只有当婚姻是基于两个独立个体的平等合作，而非出于生存的依附时，它才是健康的。”


"Marriage should not be viewed as a means of securing one's livelihood or escaping reality. For a woman to achieve complete independence in her humanity, she must first establish her place in society through professional work. A marriage is only healthy when it is based on the equal cooperation of two independent individuals, rather than on an attachment born of survival."


3. 阿兰·德波顿（Alain de Botton，瑞士-英国哲学家）

“结婚的勇气，源于我们终于意识到：我们寻找的并非一个能够满足自己所有需求的完美生物，而是一个同样**‘满身瑕疵’**、却擅长处理分歧与谈判的同类。

我们必须亲手粉碎那种‘浪漫主义’的幻想，转而接受一种带着悲剧色彩（有时甚至带点喜剧色彩）的觉悟——即任何一个人类个体，最终都会让我们感到挫败、愤怒、恼火和失望；而我们自己，也同样会在毫无恶意的情况下，对伴侣造成同样的伤害。

选择与谁共度一生，本质上并不是在寻找一个永恒快乐的源泉，而仅仅是去识别：哪一种特定形式的苦难，是你最心甘情愿为之做出牺牲的。

所谓的‘契合度’，是爱情辛勤经营后的成就，而绝非步入爱情的前提。一个真正‘不算太错’的人，其实就是那个能够带着谦卑和幽默感，向我们解释他们自身不完美之处的人——并且，他们会在这些瑕疵深度伤害到我们之前，就坦诚相告。”

"The courage to marry lies in the realization that we are not looking for a perfect being who will meet all our needs, but rather a fellow 'flawed' individual who is good at disagreement and negotiation.

We must swap the Romantic view for a tragic (and at points comedic) awareness that every human being will eventually frustrate, anger, annoy, and disappoint us—and we will, without any malice, do the same to them.

Choosing whom to commit ourselves to is not about finding a source of constant bliss, but merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we would most like to sacrifice ourselves for.

Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition. A truly 'not-too-wrong' person is simply one who can explain their imperfections to us with humility and a sense of humor, before those flaws have hurt us too much."

4.玛丽·安·谢弗 （Mary Ann Shaffer，美国作家）
“我不想为了结婚而结婚。我想不出还有什么比这更孤独的事了：余生与一个没话可说的人共度；或者更糟——与一个无法共处沉默的人共度。”


"I don't want to be married just to be married. I can't think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can't talk to, or worse, someone I can't be silent with."